Budapesht (minus the pics)

Been to Budapest this week. Took loads of fantastic pics.

And then left my camera behind on the train back to the airport!

But the pictures in my head will stay, unforgettably, for some time

of the guy sleeping under Szechenyi bridge buried under a mound of blankets….it was -6….

of the hippo with his mouth open wide in beautiful Budapest zoo….

of floating in the steamy thermal baths….

of the 2 men footballing on the ice-lake…

of the old man fishing in the steamy pond…

of the cripple begging between the cars….

of the cold my hands felt on Tuesday…..

and…. leaving my camera behind on that friggin train….Lol….

Anyway, i took a few pics with my phone at the airport. This the plane back to Bristol

It was an irritating flight back.

Probably cus i was in a mood about losing the camera.

Oh well.

I’ve ordered another, different, camera off Amazon.

I had to learn a very important – and ironic – lesson in letting go.

I realized the point of the trip wasn’t to be taking pictures of Budapest. it was the being in Budapest.

That’s what matters. Always.

The being with whatever my life is.

At all times.

All there is – is Us

I went up to the Hoe to pay my fleeting respects.

i knew i’d probably be finding pathos. And here it was.

They’d all lost loved ones. The Brothers. The Sons. The Dads. The Husbands.

And i picked out this solitary wreath lain in commeration of the “Flanders dead” from the First World War. Above are countless names of faceless men and boys, stacked up ontop of one another in rows of columns.

All those millions killed. What a stupid, ridiculous, waste of life i was thinking.

I’d never do it. Never fight for this -”my” – country. Never lay down my life for it.

Which struck me as the saddest thing of all. What millions “unthinkingly” did, i don’t and won’t ever thinkingly do.

But it’s true.

I wouldn’t die for this hopeless England. Not even as an ideal.

There is no “The Enemy” as far as i’m concerned.

All there is – is Us. All of Us.

Humankind.

Trying to be kind of human.

Trying  - if we’ve got any sense – to be kind to humans.

The unbeautiful

Mostly this blog is about me adding words to pics I’m taking.

But life is not always picturable. Sometimes the moments you want to picture pass too quickly by, are too transient to be “captured” (and sometimes they aren’t transient enough) Or what is happening is too private to go public on. Or the experience too dense with inner meaning to be made visible.

I see people around with kinky looks, quirky walks, story-filled faces, but i can’t go up and and start snapping my digital at them – that would be too disrespectful; they aren’t exhibits.

Which perhaps explains – so far – the lack of people pics in this blog.

I’m doing the usual “picturesque” pictures. Animals – ducks, cows, horses, sheep etc – get picked on all the time to come up with something predictably cute to add to lovely landscapes.

But. You can only have so many “darling ducklings”.

I need to start looking “elsewhere”. At the unbeautiful

- which is where you find the unusual.

Usually.

Happy to be here is all

Watching a Japanese film – “After Life”: newly dead people are choosing the most memorable and moving moment of their life – which then gets re-enacted by “helpers”, and recreated like a scene from a film.

If you had to choose A Moment that defined your life on earth what would it be?

Hmmm. I wonder….

Perhaps “defining” moment is too difficult to comprehend. Too many things in life are seemingly so significant (being born premature, shaving my head, recovering from life-threatening illness, having this or that relationship etc)

Maybe what is meant is a moment of rapture, or a moment of “grace”, or sudden illumination, or profound realization about what this all means (to be here, to be here at all)

Maybe it’s as simple as looking for that “Happy to be here is all” kind of moment.

Still, I’m finding it difficult to find the One, Singular, Momentous, Moment – that could possibly say all of it about life as the “me” – the me I’ve been.

So I’ll keep looking and see if anything drops into place, that feels just so.

But it feels great – yes “great” – to be even attempting to look.

As if I were viewing this life from a place of wonderful freedom.